Tales from overseas
I thought 2023 was off to a cracking start. Brunei, Australia, Taiwan (yes a 6 hour stop over between flights does count actually, so there), The UK and The Falklands (See, I didn’t count the half hour stop at Cape Verde) all in January.
When I detached to Germany I thought the travelling would calm down. Nope.
On January, driving back from The UK I did 5 countries in one day. Again, it totally counts if you drive through them. UK, France, Belgium, The Netherlands and Germany, only to come in to work to be told I would be sent on assignment to Belgium in February, and my partner in crime out here, Curtis Tyler would be sent to the Netherlands the following week. Upon his return they were sending me to cover Polish Dragon 24, part of Exercise Steadfast Defender, as the title would suggest, in Poland!
You can tell me the trips were essential to content reflective of our location, but I know it was to separate me and my buddy for three weeks. Oooooh, Radio friend (that for fans of The Inbetweeners)
Being in this part Europe really does give us pretty instant access to the rest of it. And despite being based in Germany, we also broadcast to SHAPE in Mons in Belgium and JFC Brunssum in The Netherlands. So it seems only right that we have some kind of physical presence both locations. Please note I said physical presence, not aesthetically pleasing presence.
S.H.A.P.E stands for Supreme Headquarters Allied Powers Europe. With a title like that, you can imagine my surprise when I turned up and it wasn’t animated like a super hero comic book. I genuinely thought I’d drive through the barrier and would turn in to comic book Kammy, like A-HA’s Take On Me video from back in the day.
Once the disappointment of not having super powers subsided I was blown away by how vast it is. It’s like a small city or a large town behind the wire. There are entertainment complexes, restaurants, supermarkets (the only super thing there).
The C.L.Os (Community Liaison Officers. Not Criminal’s Lethal Origin. The kind you would find in any self respecting comic book), were so welcoming and hospitable and frankly, quite the taskmasters too. The idea was to gather a fair old bit of content.
You know one of those days when your email just keeps pinging at you, and at the end of the day you feel fried. Squeeze all that pinging in to an hour. Invite after invite. Tuesday the 20th of Feb was booked. 0830 till 1830. They had assigned me the conference room all day and it was interview after interview after interview. Let me rephrase that. It was lovely person after legend after absolute hero (not the super kind). Got pieces from the American guy, I say guy, glutton for punishment would be more of an accurate description. Either way, he defected to the British side to run The Sea Scouts, normal scouts, beavers and loads more kids clubs, to Pam who runs the volunteer network there who have spread so much love and joy to those who were lacking some or all of the afore mentioned in their live, to Cpl Martyn Williams who partakes in as many sports as he and his teammates as they can. I managed to talk to Martyn both pre and post the Dodgeball tournament which they were involved in when I was there. Representing team UK, they didn’t win one game, but nor did they come last, as another country failed top show up at all. So they literally got a participation rosette.
My trip to SHAPE culminated with the last hour of Wednesday morning’s Breakfast Show coming live from the Brit Bar where the C.L.Os had moved a coffee crumpets and cake morning forward an hour so there was live interaction for the broadcast. It was heaving. So many people. So many crumpets. So many cakes and plenty of right guesses when it came to guessing the year featured on that morning’s Rewind. It was 1995 by the way.
On to whatever the Belgian version of the M1 is called and it was off to Brussels where CLO Siv gave me cheese toasties and more interviews. Notably with a volunteer from the British school there and the leader of their Military Wives Choir. All in all and incredible trip. If content was currency I would have embezzled it and would be sipping mojitos on a beach in St Barts. But alas, I am still trawling through it and editing. I am expecting to make a dent in it all by 2027.
I got back to BFBS Germany HQ just in time to see the back of Curtis’s car embarking on it’s three hour drive to JFC Brunssum.
Whilst there he was invited to leap feet first in to the Leap In To Life Fair, which took place on…..Leap Day.
He chased a considerable amount of eggs with the newly formed Brunssum Lions Rugby Club. Then down the road in Geilenkirchen, got to speak to three members of the first ever all female AWACS mission. One of the ladies in question kept saying “Curtis” in her native American accent. It’s now his text message alert.
When Friday rolled around, once again the last hour of the Breakfast Show came live from the location du jour. It was St David’s day, and there were a few Welshies present, but Curtis couldn’t get them on the air because they promised if they were in front of a live mic they would swear…..in Welsh. Some risks aren’t worth taking.
Curtis’s JFC Brunssum trip came to an end when he was asked to leave by MPs, after the self confessed “wide boy” tried to offload Relox watches, Roy Bin sunglasses and Golce & Banana underwear out of the back of his little 3 wheeled yellow van.
As my Poland bound plane took off I looked down and through tear filled eyes was sure I could see that little yellow van heading back to HQ on one of Germany’s autobahns. Not long till we’re reunited my little cockney calamity.
Polish Dragon 24 was just one part of Exercise Steadfast Defender. The idea was to demonstrate absolute NATO “readiness” in this case for crossing bodies of water. With military vehicles and equipment. At speed.
Completed it mate. Not only completed, but all done between NATO nations ranging from America to Turkey. And all in front of the world’s media and various invited dignitaries.
I didn’t really talk to any media folk. I am media folk. I don’t like media folk.
Nor did I talk to any visiting dignitaries, as on they day they were there to witness in awe, these river crossings, I was on said river crossings. Wow! I was with the joint Anglo German Bridge Building Battalion, who drive huge amphibious vehicles called “M3s” in to the river (Vistula in this case). At which point they join 4 together to create and even huger amphibious vehicle. More a massive platform. They call the “ferries”. I think “Ferry” vastly undersells what they are and they can do, and the speed with which they can do it. I went on a ferry to France when I was a kid. Rubbish. Slow. No tanks. And I wasn’t old enough to appreciate the onboard bar. Rubbish.
Whilst doing their part in this exercise, the joint Anglo German Bridge Building Battalion were officially recognised as having full operational capability. They were only given that cos no one knew I was onboard numerous crossings. If that had been widely acknowledged they probably would have been awarded Full Operational Liability.
Well once again, though completely different to assignments in Brunssum or at SHAPE, I walked away filthy rich in content. The kind of stuff I never thought I was capable of gathering. So I left Poland on my Curtis bound plane, happy if a little chilly. Guilty of underselling again by saying “a little chilly”. I was absolutely frozen. I estimated earlier that it would be 2027 before I start seeing an end in sight to all the content from Belgium. Coincidently, that’s the same year I reckon I’ll start getting feeling back in my extremities. Apparently it was quite blatant by the shade of purple which I had turned that I was about as far away from warm as I was from my oooooh radio friend.
Being the lovely people that they were, the guys loading the “ferries” took time to fire up a Landrover Defender with heaters blasting and tucked me away in it. I am unashamedly a delicate flower, and really should be handled as such. Which I was.
- Kam Kelly, BFBS Radio